Good Tuesday Morning! So, I was thinking about how I am a person of affirmation. Saying things to my kids, and people around me, that are positively affirming. But if you don't believe it yourself, does it really mean much? I mean, it's certainly nice to hear compliments and kind things - I love it! - but when you doubt yourself can something someone else says really bolster you if you're just not believing it yourself?
My mother, my WHOLE life, has described me as beautiful. "Isn't she beautiful?" I am NOT fishing for compliments here, because I've always had difficulty seeing myself in that light. I see myself as kind of peculiar looking, yet nothing terribly remarkable. And that's okay! As I've gotten older, I've become accustomed to my face. J But I never thought I was "beautiful" no matter how many times my mother told me, or anyone around me.
So, why would I, someone who could not relate to something as simple as that, be one who believes in positive affirmation? Because, when we are at our lowest, it is nice to hear that someone else loves us? Someone else appreciates us in a way we can’t appreciate ourselves? I would agree with that. But there is a need for more.
So here’s my goal. I don’t go out in the world and just say to a stranger “Oh, I love your dress” or “nice shoes” (well, I DO say that too but I’m getting to my point!); when I say I like something about a person what does that really mean? That “I” like something about that person. But what really matters is what does that person like about himself or herself?
So, I’ve begun to more actively focus on admiration and a person’s ability. I say to my kids (this was just yesterday): “Ooooo, I like the way you solved that problem. You are turning into a great problem solver. Would you help me with a problem some time?” It’s not enough to just pay compliments. I mean, of course it’s nice! I love to hear nice things! Compliments, and kindness, are the threads that keep us connected in the light. What keeps our relationships full of life. I just think, sometimes it is important to take it to the next level; to empower someone. To offer a connection between the person with whom you are engaging and their gifts. I think that is one of the keys to helping someone realize his or her full potential.
At the end of the day, what does it matter what I think of your shoes, or dress, or façade? What matters most is what is going on in your head. What YOU think of you.
That has been one of my focuses when I write my daily notes and cards; to emphasize my addressee’s talents and how they have directly impacted my life.
We are all connected to one another whether we like it or not. But how are you connected to yourself? How do you influence you? How do you see you?
I think you are beautiful. I’m talking to each of you. Because I’m pretty sure the person reading this is human (well, monkeys ARE getting smarter and smarter!) and therefore a child of God, nature, the Universe - however you want to see it. I hope you know you are beautiful; not just because I told you so, but because you believe it with every fiber of your being; that you know you have your own meaning and place in this grand design.
“You are important, and what you do, MATTERS!” J