Courageous and Compassionate

On my trip to DC, I ended up rooming with a wonderful lady who I came to know as a real kindred spirit.  Her vision is so rooted in love, I was inspired by her kindness and compassion, and the humanity and humility of her daily struggles.  She brought new perspectives to me and broadened ones I already had.  We spoke of what our purpose is and how we best impact the world around us.  She shared with me what I thought to be a great act of courage - she spoke against a good friend's negative and damning religious views.  I wondered if I could be so courageous.

While touring the Capital Building, we saw numerous depictions of courageous people including the recently unveiled statue of Rosa Parks, now among great people and presidents in the nation's Capital Building.  I was overwhelmed with awe by the courage of this one woman who, quite literally, took a stand by simply sitting down and refusing to move.  Shortly after, I was at the Library of Congress and was discussing this reaction I had with one of the employees who happened to be African American; I told her how emotional I became when I saw this wonderful honor showed to Rosa Parks.  She looked genuinely shocked and asked why.  I told her, when I look at Rosa Parks I see her as a symbol of such incredible strength and courage; she was one person (just like her and me!) who chose to say "no more", even while knowing the possible negative personal consequences of her actions;  she spoke for all those who needed to be spoken for.  That sort of courage is something I am searching for in my own self.  I think the woman may have been shocked that a white woman was so moved but, as I opened up, we shared a moment of unity in admiration of the display of one single woman who showed such incredible humanity and courage.  

Courage is about doing what is not easy; doing what some are reluctant to do because of the possible negative consequences.  But when courage is rooted in love, it bring a light to the world like no other.  Compassion is courageous.  We were a large group traveling with 18 kids the ages of 10 and 11 and they could be pretty scattered!  I observed some people who were clearly on a path to get where they needed to get, regardless of what they had to do to get it.  But most people we encountered were kind, courteous, and not just a little compassionate.  I mean, they weren't pulling children from burning buildings or donating a kidney, but they chose a higher form of thinking: kindness and compassion.  These actions fuel the greater good that includes all of us.  In opposition is intolerance, impatience, and unkindness which serves one: the individual ego.  Each of those small acts of those individual persons added up to a create a better - more compassionate - world to live in.

During our magnificent trip, my new friend shared with me this wonderful quote.  It is by Marianne Williamson from her book A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’  Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Courage isn't about being better than others; it is about taking the chance of being the best you are and, by doing so, affording others the inspiration to do the same.  Olympic gold medalists aren’t great because they beat everyone else; they’re great because they are an example of what hard work and determination can accomplish; that a personal best, above all else, is possible. 

Another great quote my friend shared with me:

“The mediocre teacher tells.  The good teacher explains.  The superior teacher demonstrates.  The great teacher inspires.”  ~William Arthur Ward

Being courageous, being the best “you” you can be, that is what inspires.  This is applicable on so many levels.  From day to day contact with others, to how we lead our children as parents, to how we influence those we work with.  But, as I said to one of the kids on our trip who was often leading some of the other boys down a dark path: "You are a great leader, I can see that by how others listen to you.  You are a very important person; never think that you're not because you really, really are!  And what you do, matters.  You may think "I'm just a 10 year old kid", but you influence others in everything you do.  And that's a wonderful thing!  But just be aware of how you want to be that influence; do you want to use it for the power of good or of the power of evil."  At first he seemed reluctant to listen but at the end, I could see in his eyes, he was thinking about it.  He smiled and nodded his head and then got back in line.  Did he hear me?  I don't know.  But knowing that we are important and influence our surroundings can be incredibly empowering.  

The whole trip was full of great examples of courageous people; Washington, Lincoln, MLK, Rosa Parks, just to name a few.  They are great because they acted in courage - they had faith - that proved to benefit the greater good.  But courage requires a leap of faith.  I recently learned that when Martin Luther King Jr. received the call about Rosa Parks and was asked to speak on her behalf, his first reaction was (as I understand it) "Let me think about it."  The next morning he called up and said "What do you need me to do."  Sometimes courage doesn't come in an instant.  Sometimes, like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, we must ask, is this really what I must do?  Courage comes in many forms and in different times.  

As I discussed with my friend, we are all moving in the same direction.  And there is only one relevant direction: forward.  But each of us has to either consciously or subconsciously decide how to live our lives.  Do we live quietly and think "The suffering of others has nothing to do with me" or do we take that first step of faith and decide to create a world where we are courageously kind, compassionate, and loving?  I hope to be influenced by these great leaders and the everyday humble and kind - both show inspiring elements of courage.  And, through these great inspirations, perhaps I too can inspire another person to live courageously in love and compassion.

Seeing LIfe In A Negative Light is an Affliction

Draft:
If you saw someone drowning, what would you do?  Would you run away?  Call for help?  Jump in and try to save them?  That's kind of how I view people who behave negatively: drowning in a sea of negativity.  What it would be like to live a life seeing everything in the negative?  The Eeyore existence where everything is "woe is me"? How awful, how HORRIBLE, would that be??  I actually have difficulty breathing just thinking about it as it feels like an oppressive darkness.  When you think about it, it's really kind of like a disease.  We think because something is in the brain, we can control it.  "Just think more positively!"  "Be more positive!"  "Be happier!"  Well, for some people, that's not an easy thing to do.  But there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of interest in that perspective.

It would seem there is a whole campaign where there are t-shirts, and coffee mugs, and bumper stickers that says "Mean People Suck".  I think that is sooooooo ironic.  What is the antonym for mean?  Nice.  Generous.  Kind.  Unselfish.  So, if you say "Mean People Suck", are you being nice, generous, kind, or unselfish?  Kinda sounds like they're being mean about being mean!  

A word that came up at my house last night was "self- righteous"  I don't have a lot of patience for "self-rightious" behavior.  Wait...does that make me self-rightous?  Hmmmm....no, because I don't think I'm better than people who are.  It's just not something I care to spend a lot of time doing or partaking in for that matter.  There will always be self-righteous people.   Self-righteous just seems to feed the ego more than the collective good.  We are all given different gifts and talents and, like in nature, everyone and everything serves a purpose.

I feel I have been given a gift.  I have a heart that lets in life's positive moments as they present themselves.  I mean, I don't always see things in a positive way (some days can seem pretty gloomy which is why friends are so great to give your perspective (or bitch-slap you and say "SNAP OUTTOFIT!":) )) but I have been given a heart by the grace of God, nature, and all the wonderful people in my life that show me with great enthusiasm all that I have rather than what I don't have.  Part of it has been conditioning.  And,  I think the series of events leading me up to this point in my life has allowed me to think positively.  It hasn't all been sunshine and roses but I've been given a gift to see the light when all seems in darkness.  It is a gift.  

A gift is something that is given.  Because, you can have another person with similar circumstances who just can't see any good in anything.  Why?  Why do some struggle more than others?  Why do some find it so hard to come out of the darkness and into the light?  Why can I open my heart to let in that light while so many shut it out?  I don't think it is a known thing.  Maybe for those that dwell in darkness, that is the devil they know.  To open your heart takes faith.  And faith is something that needs to be cultivated.

We all have our struggles.  But, like the old Irish wisdom, "If you hung your troubles on a line with everyone else's, chances are you'd take your own back down."  Each person is an individual and we can never fully understand what another person is feeling any more than we can understand what their voice sounds like in their own head.  

So, when you meet someone who is mean, or a real downer, or "negative", what do you do?  Well, if you listened to the posts on FB and in media, you run away screaming, arms flailing!  I just did a search engine search on "Negative people" and here are some of the images that came up: 
"I am allergic to negative people"
"How to deal with negative people: Ignore, Ignore, Ignore
"Surgeon General's Warning: Hanging Around Negative People Is Hazardous To Your Health"
"Avoid negative people for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem."
"I hate negative people" [my personal favorite]

When did another person become responsible for the way I feel?  I mean, I think if you were in Guantanamo Bay, they would find ways to break you, but seriously?  When did we become puppets?  I pull my own strings, thank you very much.  If I feel bad about something, it's because I let myself feel bad about something.  We have lost all accountability for ourselves.  

So, after all is said and done would I go and find friends that can only see dark, negative things? I don't think so.  Would I find a partner who is abusive?  Not likely.  But I do recognize people like that need help.  And their hurt and darkness is no part anything to do with my existence but what happens in their own minds, bodies, spirits.  

So, the issue of negative people isn't the fact that they are negative.  It's how the environment deals with it.  Negative people can't make you negative any more than loving cats can make you into a cat.  However, you can become negative (if you're not already) if you don't feel good about yourself.  Confident.  Humble.  Courageous.  Compassionate.  Rather than avoiding negative people (which will be present always), focus on strengthening you.  Your soul.  Your mental being.  When you feel good about who you are, are at peace with yourself, there is nothing anyone can do or say that will take that away.  

Some people are so deep in the mire of emotional darkness they will try to draw you in.  So why let them?  What if you were the one to draw them to light?  Would it hurt to try?  Well, if you weren't a strong swimmer and you were trying to save someone from  drowning, you very well may go down with them.  So there are options.  You can find someone who is qualified to offer them assistance or you can work on yourself to be stronger swimmer.  But it's important to realize, no matter how hard you try, no matter how many life rings are thrown, that person may still drown.  But at least you did your part.  

ISFP: Matt's Question of the Day - March 9, 2013

Matt's Question of the Day:
How do you deal with your anger?

Mo Cooper This is a good one. I post a lot of positive stuff and I'm sure a lot of people want to b**ch-slap me for being so dang chipper! But honestly, I come from a long line of angry people. Not violently angry, but reeeeally short tempered/sharp tongued sorts. I got really tired of it. So, for the past 2 1/2ish years I have been consciously converting an angry reaction into a compassionate one. When someone is "rude" to me, I say a silent prayer that they find the way out of their darkness soon (because their reaction -what's going on inside of them - really has nothing to do with me). If someone cuts me off in traffic, I hope that their distraction is good ol' cloudiness and not something horrible occupying their mind. We are all in this together. I have a finite number of moments on this earth and I'm tired of giving one more ounce of anger and darkness time to a life so full of potential light. I just read a quote: "For every minute of anger, you miss 60 sec of happiness." Amen! Do I get angry/upset/frustrated? Hell yeah! But it's now the exception more so than the rule. It is incredibly liberating!! Oh, and lots of coffee helps too.  Cheers, Matt. Hope your day brings you joy.

Mean People - Seen Any Lately?

So, yesterday I said to a friend of mine, jokingly: "You could never be mean to me."  He saw that as a challenge and came back with (also jokingly, I'm sure) "Oh, I could be mean to you but I'm not because you're the mom of my daughter's friend!"  He didn't really get my point.  I didn't mean he couldn't TRY to be mean to me (anyone can do that); I meant that, what some may perceive as a "mean"person, I see a lonely, sad soul who really must be in a very dark place to feel a need to behave in such a way.

I mean, I'VE been mean.  I've been mean!  God bless that little boy in my 4th grade class that nobody gave a Valentine to; he was a "mean" kid.  He stood up and threw his chair.  He always looked a little worse for wear.  He lived in the apartments behind the school.  He had a scar over his eye.  He wasn't terribly kind.  And nobody was terribly kind to him.   I carry that with me every day.*  Not as regret, but as a reminder.  I had an opportunity to be kind and, as I sat at my dining room table filling out my Valentines, I consciously thought, "Should I give one to Cory?  No, I'm not giving one to him.  What would my friends think?"  I remember it like yesterday.  Another time, there was a new girl in my office (I was a grown up!) and she seemed a bit...daft, I believe was my take on her at the time.  Did I show her compassion?  Show the new girl the ropes?  Nope.  I was short with her and, sometimes, downright rude!  And I'm sure others can recall throughout my life many other times I was just real a**  (which is why I often greet people from years ago with "Hey!  How are you?  I'm sorry I was such a jerk."  

Am I a bad person?  I don't think so.  Can I be mean?  Of course.  Everybody can be mean.  Everybody has their moments.  EVERYBODY has a bad day.  I feel blessed/lucky that I can look back on those times and think "I was such a jerk!  I'm so glad that's not people's take away from me."  At least...I hope they don't.  Not because I would look bad, but because that means they carry with them some of that negativity I put out in the world.  And that would be truly sad.  

That negativity, that darkness, comes in many forms but it's all the same darkness.  When you "fight" aggression with aggression, what do you get?  A big frickin' mess.  Anger and pride are two things that stand in the way of compassion.  And when you are actively unkind, you are allowing in that same darkness that consumes "mean" people.  You are taking on part of their darkness.  I have a friend who will say about someone he does't like: "I'm not mean to them.  I'm just not going to waste kindness on a jerk like that."  Maybe it's just me, but first of all, I don't think kindness is ever wasted because it's not about how it's received that is of any concern to me, but the fact that I put kindness out there in the first place.  And secondly, he doesn't come away feeling good, he comes away feeling bad. Or indifferent.  And when we are indifferent, we are building walls, not bridges.  

I've hear people say about a "mean person: "She doesn't deserve kindness."  Says who?  I've never understood the word "deserve".  Does someone deserve to win the lottery any more than I deserve to have MS?  Life's not about deserving.  Like the quote I had on my FB profile yesterday: "Even after all this time, the Sun never says to the Earth 'You owe me'.  Look what happens with a love like that.  I lights the whole sky."  The only thing I can think that we honestly deserve - as humans sharing relatively tight living space - is compassion.  That is what builds.  

So, if you must be mean to me, be mean to me.  That darkness inside of you has nothing to do with me.  No, I didn't make you feel this way, any more than you made me feel this way; you got to that darkness all by yourself.  But I will do my best to show you kindness, show you light.  It is only with light that the darkness can be penetrated.  Will you let in my light?  Into your darkness?  I don't know.  What you do with it is your responsibility.  Letting my light shine is mine.  

Post Script: But if a person is mean with a weapon? Pray for them and then run like hell!!! 

*(I've often thought of contacting him and apologizing to him and imagining it being like that Adam Sandler movie when Adam calls a guy and apologizes for being a jerk in school and when he hangs up the guy take him off his "people I want to kill" list!)

For another point of view on this check out this link:

http://spiritualgal.com/why-are-some-people-so-mean/

My Life - The After-School Special

Ever feel like your life is an afterschool special?  This morning, I had to bring Holly to CCE with Ben and me as Steve wasn't home.  In CCE we discussed moral decisions and temptation.  LITERALLY as we come to the part talking about what it means to be tempted and how we have a choice on how to react, Holly was there doing an excellent job of exemplifying temptation by distracting her brother with the game she was playing on my phone, and he took the bait: lock, stock, and barrel.  I ended up separating them resulting in much contempt (and embarrassment) from Ben.  He felt he was being wrongly called out because of something his sister was doing!
After class, after spending the remainder of the class time with his head on the table, I asked him what part he had in the entire situation.  Time after time he pointed out what his sister did.  Acknowledging that his sister also didn't make peaceful choices, my focus was currently on his actions; time after time I asked him how HE contributed to the situation, having no control over what his sister did.  Again and again and again, he tried to pin his behavior on his sister's actions.  So, finally, I said when we got home I wanted him to write down his part in the situation and not to mention his sister's actions at all.  I'm tired of hearing one more person blame their actions on someone else's actions - bottom line, he made a choice!
I really didn't expect much as he seemed pretty hell-bent on blaming his sister for everything he was feeling.  Not a word was spoken on the way home.  Upon arrival, he jumped out of the car to go in the house.  I got out and reached out to give him the keys but when he came back he ignored the keys and, crying, gave me a big hug!  My 10 year old boy doesn't give hugs!!  He went upstairs immediately and came down with a note shortly after that said the following:

"I am sorry for interrupting your class and being an idiot.  I will try to never do that again.  I didn't listen to you and I was mean to Holly.  Next time I will listen more and pay less attention to my surroundings.  I wasn't taking care for my actions.  Now I suffer the consequences.  Here I am.

Now it's...
PANCAKE TIME

Sincerely,
Ben"

I know it's a small thing but I can't remember being more proud of him for being accountable for his actions.  He recognized his part in the whole scenario and what to practice (well, at least he will try!) to avoid it in the future.  I felt like I saw his spirit grow today.  The more accountable for our actions, the more peace we will find in the world.  There was peace in our land, at least for a little while, and it was good!

Good Karma - The Ultimate Random Act!

I was just thinking about what I tell my kids about manners and, now, upon asking "Why do we use good manner?" they reply, with a well-tuned robotic response "...because it makes the world a better place to live..."  Which leads me to karma.  I've heard for years that when you do good deeds you are creating good karma.  It's like there is a "good juju" bank and you're making a deposit.  But that bank doesn't belong to just one person.  It belongs to all.  Like paying money toward social security.  You're not ensuring that YOU will get social security in your old age but others ARE benefitting from that deposit now.  And so with karma.  You're not guaranteeing good things will happen to you.  But you are making the world a nicer place to live from which all people benefit.

Never too old...or too young!?

Met an interesting young fella at the park today. I was just talking with a friend about what it means to eat healthily and along he came with his Great Dane and 4 year old daughter. Turns out he's a former body builder with a passion for health with an mindset of eating to fuel the machine and efficient and safe fitness. His goals are to become a certified trainer but he needs to get his GED but has hit some snags along the way. The thing is, this guy was so knowledgeable, passionate about health and fitness, and very personable to boot. I wished him the very best in his pursuits. He's only 26!!  I too have been thinking about getting certified and I hope I relayed effectively to him, if it's not too late for me, it CERTAINLY isn't too late for him!  It's never too late.
But we get in our own way.  Me too!
Goal: this time next year I will have some sort of fitness certification.  Bam!  Done!  :D